"Remember that the reason you're doing this is to make YOUR life better" not your kids lives as child support is meant for. Quit buying your new boy toy new trucks, new truck tires, a riding lawnmower, a rowing machine, endless numbers of smokers and gril
Each of us have our own specific triggers. We may not even be aware of the buried painful memory, but go into a panic attack for some "unknown" reason. To be healed, I had to force myself to face my hidden terrors. It's not as scary as you think it is.