Because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time. Every time I'm kept in the dark. Every time I'm outcasted. Every time I have unanswered questions.
This pain I'm feeling is indescribable I can physically feel my heart breaking in my chest and my body letting go. I don't know what todo I've never felt such pain in my life. I would never do anything to hurt the person that means so much to me.
Once you have truly felt the pain of your past and accepted the feeling that makes you think you can't hold on anymore you can then feel that tiny shred of strength pick yourself up and move on. Don't revisit it, don't use it as an excuse. Just move on.