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Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. Sounds like a quote by my best friend Nico: "Don't stick your dick in crazy".

Don'y sweat.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Would depend on what (or who) the sweaty things are, though.

Preocupate si me quedo callada

Never mistake silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.

Perfect voicemail greeting

I hate voicemails. I don't have a voicemail box for this reason. Either text me or I'll see that you called and call back when I get a chance.

If this isn't the truest depiction of alcohol I've ever read.... LOL!! Honest Alcohol Labels

Honest Alcohol Labels

Funny pictures about Honest Alcohol Labels. Oh, and cool pics about Honest Alcohol Labels. Also, Honest Alcohol Labels photos.


"One minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny." ~Unknown Oh wait, guess I fit in this category;

Sassy Quotes, Bae

yell ding dong by Angela Gayle  My door bell is broken, might do this on my front door chalkboard!

I have the "doorbell broken." Sign on my door too but never thought to add the "yell ding dong.


Fifty Shades Of Funny: The Best Of The 50 Shades Of Grey E-Cards

Fifty Shades Of Funny: The Best Of The 50 Shades Of Grey (good thing I havent read it!

Follow your dream!

Don't surround yourself with people who are jealous of you or don't support your dreams. You'll always be striving to make them happy. You'll never get your dream and that's a miserable place to live.

2 throw pillows: eat more bacon & have more sex  psychologicalmumbojumbo:    AT THE SAME TIME.

Items similar to Eat More Bacon and Have More Sex - handmade sq appliqued pair of cushions/pillows - decorative throw pillow / cushion on Etsy


"Life is too short to be serious all the time, so if you can't laugh at yourself, then call me.I'll laugh at you" - Unknown.