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Heeehee

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Would depend on what (or who) the sweaty things are, though.

If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say now you're super mad!  If they laugh marry them.

I am going to put the cape on me next time i get mad . and when he asks, I will tell him I am Super Mad. Sounds like a great way to laugh and make up. If it doesn't work, I will stick my tongue out at him.

Lmao. Only when with my mom...till she calls me out on the bullshit.

Check this out

I don't pretend to be anything I am not. Except for sober, I 've pretended to be sober a few times.

Eyebrows never lie

a good life philosophy. This is totally a quote but it needs to be in this section. Cause eyebrows are a beauty thing. And I HATE fucked up eyebrows/

<3

You know it was a good day if you didn't hit or bite anyone! ~ says 4 year old Kids say the funniest things

Ummm nope

Trust Vodka funny party dance drunk lol vodka alcohol funny humor funny quote funny quotes--I have heard this lie before

#weirdo

Inspirational picture weird quotes, best, positive, sayings, trust me. Find your favorite picture!

Ha ha .. Sad, but true ;)

Fitness Humor: If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there ❥

Yasssss!!! Finally reached level 753!!

Yasssss!!! Finally reached level 753!!

Ok, I can't help but post this....feel the burn or feel my bumper. haha.

"Listen, if I am going to stop my car in the middle of the street to let you cross, you had better hustle & wave, dammit! Feel the burn or feel my bumper." - YOUR ECARDS - funny

The Pity Train has just derailed at the corner of Suck It Up & Move On, and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a stop at Get The Hell Over It. WORD!

Funny Confession Ecard: The Pity Train has just derailed at the corner of Suck It Up Move On, and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a stop at Get The Hell Over It.

No joke...how I have to approach life with certain individuals.  #growup

Funny Confession Ecard: Contrary to popular belief, I'm not oblivious to what's going on, I'm just a professional avoider of drama, whining, and bullshit.

My head never stops

Yes, penguins do have knees! A penguin’s leg is composed of a short femur, knee, tibia and fibula. The upper leg bones are not visible as they are covered in feathers, giving the penguin the illusion of short legs and no knees. No go the fuck to sleep.

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